Joe's sister, Teri, visited us this past weekend from PA. I had the most wonderful visit with her. We spent two days talking, walking, talking, and more talking. Here's what I love about her: she is not only a truly good listener, but she is geniunely curious and interested in those around her. I have admired her mothering approach for the past ten years that I've known her. When I commented this weekend on what a loving mom she was to her two boys, she shared that she treats her children like people, and does not talk down to them. That didn't surprise me, as I have witnessed the way she communicates with them. She allows her children to be who they are, and adapts her parenting style to each child. She has a reservoir of patience that astounds me, and she validates their feelings.
I grew up with younger sisters, and feel blessed now that I have older sisters (in law) who have modeled parenting for me. My brother's wife, Sara, is another mom for whom I have great respect. She is a rock with her children, and creates a safe, consistent environment for them to play and grow. She, too, has a huge amount of patience for her three children.
Joe and I have long discussed what kind of parents we want to be. We have a vision of creating a home where everyone has a voice and is respected for his/her opinion, and where feelings are heard and validated. We want to be consistent, grounded parents who provide stability and love for our children. We want to take the best from our own parents, and learn from those around us who are raising kind, loving, and capable children.
Even with Teri and Sara, there are differences in the ways that I envision being a mama. Still, I respect them and continue to learn from them. The same is true with many other family and friends in our lives with children.
Just yesterday, Joe spoke of our "community", meaning our closest family and friends, in reference to the support they will provide as we raise our children. The idea really resonated with me. I do believe that it takes a community to help us manifest our vision. I don't know the 'how' or 'what' yet of building or enhancing that community; I do believe, though, that our child(ren) need to be around others who share similar values, as much as Joe and I need that for ourselves. We need the support and love of family and friends as we take on the hugely important role of raising children.
And, so, in retrospect, one of the blessings of this past weekend was in sharing our vision and plans with Teri, and being held in love. And, in turn, holding her in love as she continues to consciously raise her sons.
As a last note, I want to blow a big kiss to my dear friend, Kate, who is in Malaysia, and took the time to write comments for each post. Near or far, Kate, you and Ivan are a pillar in our community. I miss you :).
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2 comments:
Thanks for the mention Erin :-)
I think every mom out there is trying as hard as they can to raise their children. I give Mom's alot of credit. I had an enormous revelation about my own Mom, just days after the birth of my first baby. Sometimes you can see the big picture and sometimes your just trying to get through a rough day! It really does take a village to raise a child. They have so many influences these days, different than even when we were kids, not so long ago. Children are like sponges taking in everything they see and hear, it's a parent's job to filter, influence and referee. It's so hard to do it even with your partner. Surrounding your children with people that you love and respect is so important.
Great thoughts on everything Erin, I really like the blog, Sara
Some great thoughts about community, Erin. Kate and I always talk about how difficulty it would be to raise a child when people around you have different views on the process. For me the hard part is the idea of being firm with what we believe, but at the same time being flexible enough and open-minded enough to try new ideas. It seems like a ridiculously big responsibility!!
xo
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