Exhaustion

So, keeping it real here... I am utterly exhausted. Amelia is not sleeping long stretches at night. She goes in and out of sleep all night, nursing in between, with 40 minute stretches being the norm. She also does not like to be put down by herself, so I end up with her sleeping on my chest.
The mornings are getting more difficult, because I want to beg Amelia to sleep longer (if only you could reason with newborns...). I feel like a zombie getting up. I long for a shower, to wash my face and brush my teeth, to get myself breakfast, etc., and yet Amelia needs feeding, and then falls asleep on my chest. I plan my escapes (meaning moments of putting her down and then darting to the bathroom) very thoughtfully.
Many people have given me advice about putting Amelia down and letting her cry. At 3 weeks old, I am choosing to soothe her, and keep her as content as possible. This does mean that my own self-care has to take a back seat for now. Eventually, I intend to learn how to take care of myself first so as to be a better mom to Amelia. Learning how to "sling" her while I walk around the house, etc. will give me greater freedom. We've practiced the sling a few times, but haven't gotten it down yet. Patience...
Ironically, the first two weeks were a lot easier than week 3 (and likely 4). The compounded lack of sleep, as well as cabin fever (I've been outside once for 5 minutes in 3 weeks), and Amelia becoming more alert and vocal, are challenging.
It occurred to me this morning that I need to pull my confidence "out of my back pocket". It is easy to slip into a place of feeling inadequate as a new mom, and yet I am doing the very best I can on limited resources. I need to be very gentle with myself, which my husband models for me with his gentleness towards us both. I wish I could push a "pause" button, and head out to get a massage, sleep for 8 hours, go to yoga, etc., and then come back for the next stretch of evening into morning...and press "play" again!