Not Ready Yet

I had a dream last night that I could see and feel the outline of the baby's head and fist. I went to hold the baby's hand, and s/he jumped. I was so excited to make contact with my baby, and yet cautious in not startling him or her. I woke up, and was bummed that it was a dream.

My midwife came over today to check my cervix and do some bloodwork. My cervix felt more like a non-pregnant woman's; in other words, it was very firm. I've started taking things like castor oil (very gross) and evening primrose oil to soften my cervix. These methods apparently work over time, so no affect yet.

Its possible that things could change quickly; however, more likely, I will still be pregnant two weeks from now. Hopefully, I will not be pregnant four weeks from now.

I wonder how much of my birthing readiness depends on my emotional readiness for the baby's arrival. It feels like the chicken and the egg. Which comes first? If my hormones change, I may start nesting more fervently, and that may also impact my emotional readiness. Or, if I focus on visioning my birth, breathing, sending messages to the baby, perhaps my body will respond. From what I know from coaching, there is a powerful connection between our body, our mind, our spirit. So, I imagine that my birthing readiness can be affected both ways - from physical hormonal shifts, as well as emotional 'preparation'. Interesting thought.

Now, my husband is waiting and keeping up with my change of tides. One day it seems that I'll go early, and then I believe I'll be late. I created a "countdown til the bean arrives" calendar that I hung in the kitchen. For each day, it shows how many days left til my due date (including negative past-due dates), and a description of the personality for someone born on that day from a fun birthday book. I made this for Joe. We are counting down with both eagerness and also awareness around how fleeting this "quiet" time is for us.