Sleep. If someone asked me what one thing eludes me most these days and undermines my confidence with motherhood at times, it is sleep. Amelia has been our velcro baby from day one. She loves to sleep in our arms, travel in our arms, be in our arms. She could hang there for hours on end and be a very content, happy babe. Her temperament is more on the demanding spectrum, though only slightly so. To a large degree, we consciously chose an attachment parenting style for her first "tri-mester" out of the womb. I talked to lots of mamas, read quite a bit, and decided that it most closely matched our values. We mirror much of how the greater world approaches parenthood, with a focus more on bonding and less on convenience. That being said, if I knew then what I know now, would I approach sleep the same way? I'm really not sure. Take today, for example. Amelia is now 14 weeks old, and her day time naps are 20 - 45 minutes in length. She is very alert for most of the day, and can fool her grandparents and other adorers into thinking she doesn't need sleep. Oh, how much she does. Today, I decided to focus solely on her sleeping. I am making it my full-time job for the day. No other concerns. No interferences. I even asked Joe to cancel our visitors for this evening. Nothing will get in the way of me helping Amelia get some rest. For all but one hour (our 10:30 - 11:30 am walk), Amelia has been put to sleep in her crib continuously, and I've rocked her probably 20 times, put her down, repeat, etc.. After several hours of this, I silently cried while I rocked her, and felt like the world's lousiest mama.
There are many books out there that offer differing advice about sleep. I've read three of them, and see the pros and cons in each approach. Still, there is a balance that I am seeking, and it eludes me.
I know the most important task at hand is to choose one approach and work it. To commit, even if I don't have the rest of the "plan" worked out yet. In the meantime, I plan to stay close to home for the next several days, or weeks, until we get through this.
All this being said, I am grateful for this "ordinary" day. I was thinking today of a wonderful friend of mine, Karyn, who passed away after being quadraplegic from a car accident. We used to talk about how, at any time, one of us could get hit by bus, and life changes suddenly. Horrifically, her life changed forever when she was left without use of any body part below her neck. She died four years later from complications from a surgery. She was the most beautiful woman I knew, and her memory inspires me to grasp, and celebrate, the ordinary days.
(Later day update: Amelia slept TWO HOURS in her crib!!!)
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5 comments:
oh poor thing! I totally hear you on the whole wanting to sleep in Mama's arms thing. Nola was the same way. We still have napping issues occasionally, but after working on it a bit she sleeps through the night now.
I'm happy to talk to you about our technique, which I think is a compromise b/t "cry it out" and "no cry." It's tough b/c you want to teach them how to fall asleep on their own, but don't want them to be miserable! Please call or e-mail if you need some support.
Erin-you are so not alone. For 8 weeks I just held Tristan, or had in the crook of my arm in bed but I started to lose my mind from lack of sleep. Like Aimee, we compromised between CIO and no cry, and we continue to tweek the process. Tristan is a much better sleeper now, but like any baby his naps are inconsistent and his nights range from 1 wake up to 3-but he does sleep in his crib now and it's made a huge difference for all of us.
I can tell you, honestly, that it will be years before kids sleep all night long. Olivier still wakes up and needs help. But once a night is a far cry from 10 times a night and we all function pretty well. I still have Tristan duty because I'm nursing, but we are all sleeping better.
Please call or email if you need us!!
Another "you are not alone" comment-- try not to worry TOO much, Erin. Adelie is almost 3 and I still nap 1-2x/week when she does. Who cares what the house looks like! She was home 1.5 yrs and still waking up 3-8x/night when I had to change things or go insane. Let her cry: 40 mins 1st night, 10 mins 2nd night. Done. If I had known it would go so smoothly we would have done that 6 mo's after coming home w/her! LOL. Best wishes!
I so sympathise on the sleep front! Cathryn's Adelie was obviously ready at 1.5 years to learn to sleep thru, a big difference from a 6 month old or 3 month old. She was able to realise that her mommy would be there when she woke up. You're doing a great job with your little girl. Cherish these days because one day you will turn around and Amelia will be heading off to school :)
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