The 3 month mark

A week ago, we passed the 3 month mark. This is the point where many mamas say goodbye to their babes and head back to work. It mystifies me how they do this, mostly because Amelia and I don't yet have a groove or schedule that I could pass down to anyone. On one hand, I am itching to get back to work. I find myself creating new programs in my mind as I play with Amelia, and realize how re-engaging in work will allow me to be more present when I'm with her. It will give me an outlet and also the structure (i.e. play time with Amelia vs. work time). At the same time, I am still figuring this mamahood stuff out. I have delayed getting a babysitter, because we are just getting Amelia to nap in her crib, rather than in our arms. Today, for example, only one attempt was successful.
Like most things in life, I imagine that having a deadline for starting work would speed up our learning process. I could continue to delay my attempts to find a schedule without a very compelling reason to do so. (BTW, is this making sense or have I lost you??)
Amelia and I took a trip to the local Whole Foods today, per usual. She was snuggled under my jacket when we passed another mama with a wide-eyed babe. I commented on how beautiful her baby was, asked her age, and then asked how the mama was doing. She looked at me and said "She is five months old and its just starting to get easier. There were days when I didn't think I could do this another day..." We exchanged a few stories of exhaustion and understanding, and went about our shopping trip. For those two minutes though, I felt completely understood. This is hard, because it is an abrupt life change and never before have I had to be so patient during trying circumstances. Patience doesn't come easily for me. I work hard at it.
Meanwhile, my favorite show is "Jon & Kate Plus 8" on TLC. This woman is amazing. She is raising twin girls (8) and sextuplets (3). She is organized, creative, conscious (organic food, budgeting, etc.), and somehow has managed to create a profession out of being a mom. If you haven't tuned in for an episode, I recommend that you do. Oh, and she doesn't even try to feign perfection.
Truth be told, I want at least three more children. I hope its in our cards...