Sunny Florida ~ Amelia's first plane trip

We just returned from 8 days in Florida, where we visited my in-laws. Oh, the sun, the warmth, the palm trees, the quiet, the pool... What are we doing living in frigid Massachusetts, anyways?
Amelia has grown and changed by leaps and bounds. She found her voice, and she uses it very frequently! She is a chatty little girl with a lot to say. She also uses her voice to get my attention, and squeals when I am not giving her enough.
There are so many topics that I want to write about, but I have about two minutes before Amelia squeals for a feeding. I'll start here - the range of emotions as a mother is incredible. From the most intense love to worry about every little thing that I want to protect Amelia from...
What's on my mind right now is being a role model for Amelia. I want to show her what it looks like to be a woman who is compassionate first and foremost with herself, so that it spills over to others. A woman who doesn't judge her beauty or worth by her size or looks. Enough with being thin, or focusing on flawlessness everybody (no pun intended)!!! Oh, if only I could put her in a bubble and protect her from this flawed, though wonderful, world.
For now, though, I am deeply in love with Amelia. She has turned my world upside down.

The many moods of Amelia!

The "Transition" - Do or Die

The relative success of my days has come down to one thing these days - the transition of Amelia's sleeping body from my arms to any stationary object (i.e. her basket, our bed, the non-moving swing). Yesterday, I went 0 for 6. That means that I swaddled, rocked, sshhhhed, kissed, whispered Amelia to sleep six times, waiting until she was in a seemingly deep sleep (i.e. 20 minutes), and then tip-toed upstairs to gently lay her down. All the while, visions of blogging with a cup of coffee, or putting the breakfast dishes away, were dancing in my foggy head. Alas, all six times, I had barely turned around before Amelia let out her rhaspy cry. Back to the beginning. Repeat. Not to mention that Joe was on a business trip yesterday, and we were alone until this evening. So, no relief. We did go out to dinner with my sister and a friend to celebrate Chinese New Year, though Amelia was not too happy about being out. She has a strong dislike of her carseat. (Meanwhile, I realized at the restaurant that I had lost all modesty as I breast fed her there with my tattered shirt, but I digress...) The evening ended with cops in our house at 4 a.m. because I swore I heard someone downstairs. I am embarassed to admit that I must have been over-tired and reacting to my next door neighbor's break-in (in the attached duplex) that happened mid-day when we were home a few weekends ago. Again, I digress...
Today, however, I went 3 for 4 with successful sleep transitions. Those three successes meant about 75 precious minutes of arms-free and quiet me-time!
At a "new mom's drop-in" today, we all shared our stories of transition and the sneaky ways we go about separating from our babies while they sleep.
Meanwhile, there are a few times each day when I do not even attempt the transition. Its usually during a good tv show when I don't mind sitting still, and I give into the sweet experience of snuggling, sniffing her breath (isn't that a strange fascination of mine??), and kissing her cheeks.

Where to begin?

I went for a baby-free walk today, and began to ponder the questions that have been ruminating in my mind for the past several weeks. Where to begin?? Before Amelia arrived, I had a vision in my mind of returning to my career after three months, and leaving Amelia in the care of a capable and loving nanny. There are so many factors, though, that need to be accounted for, incuding our finances (I need to invest in my business since I'm self-employed, and also cover child-care before regular income is earned), where to find such nanny, my comfort leaving Amelia in someone's care here, getting Amelia to take a bottle, and getting her to sleep on her own!! All of this is yet to be sorted through, and then there are the larger questions of how much do I want to work?, and what will it take to be self-employed and a mom? It would be easier to return to a 'corporate' job, or anywhere that paid me regularly and provided the work up front!

No answers yet, just questions. Today, my challenge is decided what to do with Amelia's sleep and feeding schedule. Its a bigger challenge than I anticipated!!