Around the bend...

It seems fitting to begin this blog on week 23, which is my "lucky" number. We are more than half way through our first pregnancy now. On one hand, it feels as if time is flying; On the other, it feels as though I've been pregnant for nearly a year.

I do love being pregnant. Each time I feel a kick in my belly, I am reminded that there really is a living being in there - a mysterious, growing person who will change our lives forever. Since the beginning of my pregnancy, I've been writing letters to the "bean" (our baby), which have served as a sort of journal for me. I've been intending to start a blog for awhile now.

Joe and I met with a doula/midwife yesterday to begin planning our birth. I have grown fond of the idea of a home birth, which I am so grateful that Joe supports. When we've shared this idea with our loved ones, the typical first reaction is one of fear. It doesn't surprise us; we, too, were unsure of how safe a home birth would be before we began our research. We live in a culture where birthing is seen as an emergency - women are quickly transported to the hospital, hooked up to IVs in a sterile white room, teams of doctor and nurses poking and prodding, drugs being administered, etc. etc. I do recognize that there are situations where this approach is needed; however, many otherwise healthy births often follow the same routine despite there being no emergency. I haven't gone through that experience myself, so I can only compare and contrast the stories of those who have birthed in a hospital or birth center, and those who have birthed at home. While some women who plan to birth at home do end up being transferred to a hospital for some need, everyone that I have spoken to thus far has shared how wonderful their experience was overall. Mostly, I am attracted to and curious about the idea of birthing in the comfort of my own home, and trusting my body and midwives to deliver our baby in the most gentle way.

When we met with the midwife yesterday, we found ourselves pondering some interesting, and challenging, questions about how we will parent. I went for an afternoon walk later on, and began thinking of all the questions yet to come. My hope is that we make choices that truly are in the best interest of our child - vs. what may be easier or more conventional. Sometimes getting there feels much like peeling back the layers of an onion. And, as you know with peeling onions, our eyes often begin to water, or cry, in the process. What a tremendous responsibility parenting is!

Lately, I have been thinking of these responsibilities, and how to stay grounded in the midst of it all. I see these next four months of pregnancy as fertile ground for practice. Each choice that faces us now is part of this practice. Practice of making choices from a place of love, rather than fear, from a place of centering, rather than confusion or chaos. (Ooh, baby is movin' in my belly right now!)

Anyways, its an exciting, albeit scary, journey into mama-hood. I have so many dreams about the kind of mother I hope to be. Nothing in my life has felt nearly so important or meaningful. And yet, what is also so very important to me is to stay grounded on the path, so that I do not lose myself in the role of mama. I look to other women who have walked this path with intentionality to help guide those of us walking it now...